Mood:
downTopic: Food
After my little attitude problem yesterday, I knew I needed to get out of the house and eat some good food. So I invited my friend Nicole out for a sushi lunch—perfect.
Naturally, we really had to hunt for an open sushi restaurant on a Saturday afternoon in Baton Rouge. We should've just caught the fish ourselves, honestly.
But the wait was worth it, delicious food and great company. Afterward, I went out to look for some jewelry. Since the breakup, I have been on the lookout for a cute, meaningful ring that I can wear everyday. I had a ring from The Ex that I no longer wear, and I'm looking for just the perfect piece of rock that will be an expression of me, and a reminder to myself to keep looking forward.
During my search, I didn't find a ring, but I did find a cute gold bracelet...and picked up a really bad attitude along the way. For the past year, spending money, any amount of money, sends me into a stressed out frenzy.
Why, you ask?
Probably because my dead-end job sends e-mails out saying, "hey just for funsies we are thinking about laying a few people off. Cool?"
So I am constantly living in fear that my main source of income will be snatched out from underneath me and I'll be left to rely on my cat to bring in the funding to pay my rent. The job stress is just a never-ending cycle. It starts with the the threats to lay people off, then I start looking for a job and saving my pennies, then I get turned away for jobs, then I feel depressed and hate my life.
To be honest, I never intended on staying in Louisiana after I graduated from college. But then, I got a great job. And a stellar apartment. And I was in love. So there I had it—I thought I had it all—the job! The man! Plans for the future!
And one by one, things have slipped through my fingers without notice. Sure, I don't hate Baton Rouge. I have great friends here and I still live in a nice place. But to be truthful, I want out.
I'm sick of the uncertainty with the job. There are things I want to do—buy a house, get a new car, etc. But I can't make any real decisions until I know I'm not going to be living off unemployment in the next year. My only solution to that is to leave before I find out if I'm meant to get the ax or not (something I should've done in my last relationship, because today I've convinced myself The Ex was cheating the entire time and he is frolicking with her now).
See? Quarter. Life. Crisis.
I'm signing up for the Peace Corps.
Weight: 122.6
PS. I need a damn drink. Wednesday night, it's on.
