Mood:
smellyTopic: Food
Well...I've made it halfway! Only 7 more days left of detox, the only downfall of that is, another weekend to make it through. However, I'm happy knowing that once I make it through the weekend, I only have Monday and Tuesday to get through.
And Wednesday? Well, there's a bottle of imported Merlot on the top shelf of my pantry waiting to get screwed. For realz.
Wine and coffee are really my only cravings so far. Of course, cooking and packing every little thing I eat has become a pain, but cheap, if that does anything for you.
Today, I was looking forward to my afternoon snack: a Larabar Jocalat (Pure Organic Chocolate Food Bar) in the German Chocolate Cake variety.
Boy do I love German chocolate cake. That moist chocolate cake, layered with sweet coconut (where is Dane Cook when I need him) icing, almonds and pecans. Oh. My. God.
Well, as I had mentioned, I spent way too much time in Whole Foods Saturday, reading every single label in the store. I was able to find two protein bars that were detox-compatible, so I grabbed them and left.
So all day I was waiting for that 2 o'clock hour, when I could rip open my sweet German chocolate cake. When 1:50 rolled around, it was game time.
And game time tasted like shit. To be more accurate, it looked like shit, but tasted like a big rotten date. I have no problem with dates. They are a fine fruit. But when you are expecting chocolate, a date does not make for a Jolly Holly.
Now, I'm not a complete tard, I knew it wasn't going to be a Hershey bar. But I will say the Endangered Animals chocolate that I bought is detox friendly, and tastes BETTER than milk chocolate. So it is possible.
Why in the heck did it taste like a date? Naturally, I referred to the list of ingredients:
DATES, pecans, almonds, unsweetened chocolate, unsweetened coconut, extra virgin coconut oil, cocoa powder.
I mean really? The very first thing listed, of course it's going to be a giant freaking date. I know I read this label because everything is okay for me to eat, so why did I think I'd be cool with a bar of dates and nuts, packaged to look like chocolate. Yet another case of me letting my imagination get the best of me—it screws me over in dating, and now it's screwing me over in dates. How good did I honestly think a protein bar that was organic, gluten-free, dairy-free, kosher, soy-free, non-GMO, and vegan was really going to be?
Sigh. I'm really trying here.
When I did a little searching about the Larabar, it seems the "mint chocolate" is the popular choice. Maybe I will give the Larabar a second chance. See? See what is happening to me?
Word is getting around at work about my crazy detox plan, which I appreciate the curiosity. It helps that people around me know what I'm doing, because it eliminates temptation. No one is inviting me out for lunch, because they know I can't have it. It would be super nice if my TV knew I was doing it because I can't tell you how many commercials for Sonic I've drooled over, scenes of Red Lobster crab legs swimming in garlic butter I've dreamt of, or that DQ 25th Anniversary Blizzard where I wish to be the red plastic spoon.
But no.
Instead, I've parked myself on the couch, snacking on unroasted and sea-salted almonds. Delish. I fell asleep before I could finish Lipstick Jungle last night, and I'm on a mission to finish it tonight. So, who's up for a caffeine-free rose tea?
Weight: 123.6 pounds
