Mood:
coolTopic: 30-Day Breakup Guide
I've been looking forward to today's assignment since day 1—get a massage. Oh how I love getting pampered, in any sort. Since I have been running ragged lately, the massage was much needed. But I didn't get just any massage, I got a sea salt scrub, which is double the pleasure.
When I got to the spa, I slipped into the comfy robe and fixed myself some hot tea. While I was waiting for my turn, I started to relax a little. But before I knew it, the ball and chain was back on my ankle, dragging me into a sea of guilt. Guilt for my Day 26 assignment.
I told the truth, and I know the exercise was very important. But, as I said on Day 26, it's embarrassing for me. I have tried my hardest to write these entries with complete honesty. The most difficult part is trying to write them without wondering if he's sitting on the other side of his computer, reading my ups and downs, calculating my next move. But that's the tough part about breakups—there are so many unknowns. I don't know if he reads this. I don't know if he ever thinks of me or gets sad. I have no idea if he's moved on and already found someone new.
Regardless, I do not want my ex to have any ammo on me—what I said on Day 26, is ammo. I feel like it will simply be read as bitterness and jealousy, instead of hurt and sadness.
But, there is a growing part of me that thinks the feelings of guilt are simply a part of the baggage. I was clearly manipulated to believe he had good intentions and things would get better. Obviously, they didn't. I absolutely do not regret what I wrote; those events did occur, no matter how embarrassing they are for him or for me to admit. They happened and they are perfect reasons to keep moving forward.
Once my masseuse Danielle arrived, I was relieved. This was my first sea salt scrub, and it was amazing. If you have never had one, run to your nearest spa! The treatment starts with a rub down from a dry brush. Next, Danielle applied a thick sea salt scrub all over. Then, I took a hot shower, to rinse off all the salt before she applied an almond-honey moisturizer by way of massage. Ahhhhh...so amazing. Not only was it relaxing, but my skin is glowing and soft. Not to mention I got to wear these awesome disposable panties.
Slowly, I'm learning that many things I enjoy don't have to come in the form of a boyfriend.
Now that I'm home from the spa (continuing the relaxation process with a glass of merlot), I feel much better. I'm relaxed and I know I am still making progress—Day 30 is just around the corner.
