Mood:
suaveTopic: La vie
I watch QVC. And I don't know if it makes it any better or any worse that I've never bought anything from it. So I can't use the excuse that they have really good deals or quality products, because I don't know. To be honest, I don't know how I got started on QVC, but I will have you know it is a staple in my television routine—with great reason, of course.
1. Lisa Robertson
Robertson is one of the QVC hosts, mainly during the evening hours—prime time QVC. Not only is she a cute lady, but she was Miss Tennessee in the 80's, so she's got that southern pageant girl thing going. She's also got that fake laugh down pat.
I can't imagine what it's like to work at QVC, but it seems like to them, it's no big deal to be running live tape. So I notice the hosts, including Robertson, will talk about personal issues on air or go overboard with a certain schtick. Although Robertson has a chic personal style, I get a kick out of her saying everything on the show is cute—I know they have to, but come on.
Anyway, I love her. She's funny and has great style; the best part is the callers (who I'll get to in a moment) get to talk to her and you can tell they're older ladies and they say "oh, Lisa you look so good in everything you wear, I always order what you have on." Like obviously buying the jersey-knit shress with jeggins isn't going to transform you into Miss Tennessee...but I understand—QVC is convincing like that!
2. Callers
The callers who make it on air at QVC are a close runner-up. I've never called QVC, so I don't know how it works. I'm guessing the person calls to order their coveted watch, pair of shoes, or makeup and they seem sane enough for the operator to let them go live. Or maybe the caller asks to go live? Or maybe it's standard procedure for the operator to ask if the person wants to go live? I have no idea, but whatever it is, it makes me laugh.
I can't judge someone sitting at home watching QVC, because that's exactly what I do. But I love hearing this:
QVC: And we've got Tina from Michigan calling in. Hello Tina darling!
Tina: Hello Lisa, hello Isaac (Mizrahi)!
QVC: And what did we have for you this evening?
Tina: Oh, I got the tote bag in the cherry. I just love it.
QVC: Don't you? Oh, that is such a great value, and the color is waaayy gorgeous once you see it in real-life. You are going to love it!
Tina: Isaac, I just love your style. I've been watching all day waiting for you to come on. I've already ordered the leather moccasins, the logo bracelet, and the pearl necklace.
QVC: Oh wow, you've got some goodies coming your way!
Tina: Yes, I do, just don't tell my husband.
(Everyone chuckles).
Oh what a life that would be to sit at home and order ballet flats and glass rings and crockery off my husband's credit card.
3. Easy-Pay
On the screen, they always have the name of the product, it's original price, the QVC price, and the Easy Pay option.
Easy Pay is basically lay-a-way, and another way of tricking you into buying whatever they're selling. What's funny about it is the host usually says something like, "and you can get that at 5 payments of $35," which means for five months you pay $35. So that's usually followed up with a comment like "It's only a dollar a day, which is practically free."
Remember Tina? Yeah that's the same thing she's telling her husband when he gets the bill for the Q-card and he's paying a dollar a day for the rest of his damned life.
Technically, you could say anything costs a dollar a day, it's just how many days are you paying it and how many dollar items do you have? Three new cars might cost you a dollar a day for 6 light years. Just saying.
4. The Ticker
On most items, there will be a counter at the bottom of the screen showing how many items have been sold. I love seeing the number soar vs. what the hosts are saying.
"Oh, it's made of real leather." —jump 650 items
"There's a zip pocket in the front." —890 items
"4 payments of $200." —SOLD OUT
5. The Descriptions
As a writer, I am forced to wonder about who does the descriptions for all of the products that come through QVC.
I mean, I am good at writing descriptions, but these are pretty intricate. The best part about them is that every product sold on QVC is a great product for ANYONE and I mean male, female, young, old, etc.
I know they are supposed to sell the item, but it just makes me laugh when it's a nylon bag and they say it can be sporty or you can dress it up. Or it's a gold watch and they say it's a status piece, but yet casual enough to wear everyday. See how that works?
Say what you will about the tacky QVC, but hey, I like a little tacky every now and then.
