Mood:
cheekyTopic: Dating
It's no secret, I love relationships. I love being in them, I enjoy being out of them, I like discussing them with my girlfriends, and I like laughing about them with my guy-friends. In any case, I love hearing as many different stories and opinions as I can about relationships—it will never get old.
So last week, as I was searching my apartment for a new book to read, I found an old one that struck my interest once again. Known as The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex, I've read this book once before, years ago—Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. Sure, it sounds a little kooky at first, but a lot of what author John Gray, Ph.D. says actually makes sense.
The part I find most interesting in this book is this: "Gender insight helps us to be more tolerant and forgiving when someone doesn't respond the way we think he or she should." Gray explains problems often occur when a female thinks and expects her male partner to react in a way a female would and vis versa. When it doesn't happen that way, disagreements happen and we don't understand why. Instead of expecting our partners to be the same as us, we have to embrace the fact they are different.
Makes sense.
Chapter 2: Mr. Fix-it and the Home-Improvement Committee covers women's number 1 complaint about men: "he doesn't listen." This part of the book explains how men are wired to fix problems, not just vent and discuss them like women are. "A man's sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results."
It also covers the idea that women always want to change a man and offer advice. Gray tells us, "To offer a man unsolicited advice is to presume that he doesn't know what to do or that he can't do it on his own." So ladies, before you offer that advice so quickly...did your man ask for it? If he didn't, you may be pissing him off without knowing it.
Some of the other topics discussed throughout the book are men going to "their caves," how to motivate the opposite sex, speaking different languages, men are like rubber bands, women are like waves, discovering our different emotions, how to avoid arguments, scoring points with the opposite sex, how to communicate different feelings, how to ask for support and get it, and keeping the magic of love alive.
Now, of course I have a hang-up about this book (it is never all rainbows and sunshine with me). First of all, clearly this book was written for women. Because, just as Gray says, men don't read People magazine and they often don't read self-help books (if there are any men out there who've read this book, please tell me what you thought of it).
Secondly, I have to wonder, since this was written by a man, how much of it is simply excuses for why men treat us certain ways. The book often tells Venutians how to deal with Martians, because Martians just aren't going to change. HMMM. It definitely had me sitting there thinking, ok so I have to change my way of communicating just to get through to some stubborn Mr. Fix-it? Hmph.
Don't get me wrong, I think this is a great book full of advice that certainly makes sense. If you read it, don't go overboard on the changes. Just know that men and women are supposed to be different and we will all live happily ever after.
